Am I REALLY Going To Try This Again?...

Well, here I am.  

Again.

Why?

Mainly because I am trying--yet again (you'll hear that word a lot in here)--to set up a format for honing my writing skills, as well as putting my Big Toe FIRMLY back into the waters of life to see if I can stand to get back into said waters. 

Ugh.

My BEST work was on a PAID site and it is gone now.   Sorry that I didn't save any of it.

REALLY sorry.  Trust me.

So, here I am...again.   Sitting, staring at this blank page of pretend paper with black type, wondering WHY on earth do I insist on blogging...

Because I do need a place to work my aging writing skills and tone-up my mental muscles.

Aren't YOU the lucky one?! 

There are a few "good ones"here, mixed in with the ''WTH?!'' that are still achived in this, my original blog spot.  

Sure do hope that you can distinquish which is what.

This is it for today, kids.    

My Big Toe is sufficiently wet and chilly enough.  

Debating Whether I Should Stay Or Should I Just Go?

UGH!

It's been well over a year since I've written on here.

Started another "trial" blog that was going very well, but it was costing me $$ & just couldn't afford it any longer.   Now I'm trying to decide if I even want to start again.

I've got people BEGGING (mind you!), begging me to please keep writing!

Ugh!  (Sorry.  Already said that in another context.)

I am one of those Drama Queen Creative People.   The stars MUST be aligned just SO....

So!

Here's my quandary:   my successful blog was straight-up ministry.   NO preaching.   Just music & encouragement.    

I can do that.  No problem---WHEN--I feel like it.   And no, I DO NOT FEEL LIKE IT MOST OF THE TIME!

Why?  (I hear some of you asking.  Or it might just be my dog farting...)

Because I have TOO MUCH OTHER CREATIVE "STUFF" blowing through my gray matter.   And honestly, some of it DOES matter!   Some of it is just....gray. 

What to do...what to do...

So much is changing on a personal level, on a life-change level, my Christian walk level (hoo-boy! That's a loaded one!  Could get me burned at the stake! "Don't kick the slats out!  Too late.), and ALL of my MANY creative "irons in the fire"!   

Is ANYONE OUT THERE WHO HAS SOME WISE, SEASONED HELP FOR ME?

Or do I just slug it out, beating myself up for NOT doing what I do so well: create.

*LONG SIGH*

I'm just going to leave this blathering on here.   Not going to change it.  Not going to re-arrange it.  Not going to spell-check, grammar-check, syntax-check a damn thing.

Just gonna let it sit here fer a spell, come back to it, and then decide.

Perhaps, somebody will show up in the meantime and drop off a wise "To Do" list, of creative, linear thought.     

I am much too rAnDoM.   

With Love,
Your Elusive Butterfly Of Love,
Patti 

  

    

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!

I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you haven't been a military spouse, then you really have NO IDEA what crazy is!

Steve was suppose to be home in OCTOBER for his Leave.

He came home in SEPTEMBER for a short version of it.

Whatever.

We were both glad to have it...& sad to say "Good-bye" again.

I could tell you what I have learned today, now that he's back

in-country; but I won't, I can't.

We're both tired.   Tired of the BS that he has to deal with over there and the BS that I have to deal with here.

Although I'm thankful that the Holy Spirit tells me when to pray specifics for him, it wears on me when I KNOW what I'm praying for...and then...Steve confirms the danger.   

Again, I AM THANKFUL to be able to know and to pray.

But...we'll both be glad when he's home.

We'll both be glad when ALL of our troops are home.

I suppose that the next time that I will post here will be when I know FOR SURE that he'll be home.

After that, I'll be on my new website that I've just created.

Although it's official up and going, I'm not going to share the site with you just yet.   I have some tweaking to do.

Check back in a few weeks for my website info, and check back in November and December for Steve's homecoming; that's the closest date that I can give for him.

Tired Love,

Patti

ALICE WAS A SISSY!

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!     It's one of those days.

Not one of those stepping through The Looking Glass...

meeting up with some freaky-strange, weed smoking, crack eating characters...

and finding oneself falling for an eternity down some flippin' rabbit hole.

("Eat this."   "Drink this."  Ummm...I don't THINK SO!)

NO.   Absolutely not one of those days.  

I'd KILL for a nice day like that!!

I'm talking about the ones where you have things gnawing through the insulation of your soul, then you feel the sharp teeth beginning to shred the protection on the hard wires of where you're plugged in.   

Where you can't stop the sound of the clickity-click-click-sssccrrrrrratch of their claws as they scurry from one end of the mind to the other, short circuiting any able-firing synapses they can find.

I'm talking about hanging onto anything physical and that's MORE than just nailed down.

I'm going to have to call The Master Electrician before I get chewed in two.

I don't have bats in the belfry; I have rats.

Big, nasty, New Yawhk rats tearing around up there.

    

And, there are other scampering visitors up there as well.

   

I hear them in the middle of the night whispering to the rats.

The Belfry is The Battleground Of The Soul, you know.   

Everything is won--or lost--there.

     

It's not a good day to be near me.    Dangerous, actually.    

I could snap at any moment and you would lose your pretty/handsome little head.   (I said "handsome" just for you, Jeff.)   ;)     

Talked with hubby on Skype today.    I have been praying for his "latest situation".   (Don't ask.  Honestly, you wouldn't believe me anyway.)   

The answer couldn't have been any better!    Truly!  It was very excellent!    

Made me want to do my little "Nanny-Nanny-Boo-Boo!" the I'll-dance-on-your-grave-for-doing-THAT-to-my-husband while spewing sarcasm and vitriol everywhere.  "I'll get YOU my pretty!  And your little dog, too!"

(**Musical Warning Note for Non-Musicians:  I am singing and dancing to "Thank You Very Much" from "Scrooge, The Musical" only MUCH nastier.) 

I WARNED  YOU, didn't I?  

Now, you would think (those with normal mindsets--which leaves out about 5 of you), that my Rats In The Belfry Syndrome has something to do with what Steve has been going through and us being apart.   

You would think so.  

And you would be wrong, Camel Breath!

My torment comes from an extremely deep and old Well of pain that is taking years to clean out.     

Sometimes the Well lid gets knocked open and I fall back into it, which isn't so bad the first several thousand feet because I can see where it's been cleaned out, expanded, and there's nothing jagged left on the sides to tear at me.  

I can see light and hope here in these places.

It's the remaining monstrous pit of despair and loss that is the Reaper, or even Raper; both are ample words to hold the context of agony-of-soul.

Now don't you wish that you could know what this is?     

I cannot tell you; for it is much too vicious to see daylight yet.     

Even I cannot bring it up to the light; it screams worse than a Banshee and thrashes and tears at me worse than a Hell-Beast with poison-tipped, rapier claws.  

And what's worse:  I cannot even release the agony through tears.     

Days like today...I think that my head will just "nuke off"...and it'll all be over except the Fall-Out. 

My best friend knows everything that I know.

My husband knows everything...at least up to the latest revealing that the Lord gave to me; so even he isn't up to speed.   Skype doesn't quite cut-it for the deep things.

And Jesus knows everything I know....and beyond. Thank-You Lord!

So on days like today, I can know that I know, that more of the answer is coming.   

Deeper and more severe wounds take much longer to heal and require patience if more surgery is needed to chase down hidden infected pockets.

The Lord showed me in a vision/dream 17 years ago what this was.   

Of course at the actual time, I had NO IDEA what was in this final "Well" that was so much deeper than all of the others.   

But He did tell me and show me that this was the FINAL Well to be healed, because it was the deepest, and the life that would come out of THIS particular Well--ONCE it was healed and purified--would bring needed healing to others. 

He knew that I would NEED that vision of life through these many long years...and whatever time which remains...in order to give me something to hold onto when the battle was the most vicious.

Total healing MUST BE close.   

The battle for this deepest parcel of ground is growing more fierce day by day, sometimes second by second.

  

And the rats are calling in back-up!

That's okay.   MY back-up is bigger and badder.  

When it's all said and done...I just might be His Woman of God after all.

I never really saw myself as one of "those" women-of-God types.   

You know, (uh-oh...**MUSICAL WARNING NOTE:  "I bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, and never, never, ever let you forget you're a man, cuz I'm a WOMAN...

W-O-M-A-N...)  

(Sorry.   That's life in my brain.   E V E R Y T H I N G  IS  A  MUSICAL!)

I guess somewhere I just thought that "holy women of God" were made by being "good".   (Whatever the hell THAT means.)   

If that's so.....I'm screwed.

MY experience is different, as I suspect is every other TRUE man or woman of God.    Actually, I know that it is.  

After pastoring the "what-and-where's" we have been sent to over the past 30+ years...

...oh yeah...

I know that the Real Children of God are 

  gathered in by a sharp sword, 

    broken on the rock, 

      crushed upon the threshing floor, 

        formed with great pressure, 

          and birthed in the fire....

to become bread for the hungry. 

To be made into bread...just like Jesus is The Bread of Life.

It's that dying to self part that's the kicker.    Dang!  

Even through the din of the rats scurrying and scrrrratching and gnawing,

       

through the dark fear of my own Pit and Pendulum....

                            

...there IS hope.  

And even more than hope...

  ...there is Grace to withstand...

     ...and stand...

          until Jesus and I make our way back up this last Well.  

Yeah.   Alice was a sissy.   

Nice story, Alice, but I'm looking for the ending that brings more than just some sappy resolution.

At the end of MY story there will be never-ending change and abundant life. 

Enough for me to give to my loved ones, and for all

--who, like me--

have had rats in their belfry.

Until next time, dear ones...

Put De Lime In De Coconut,

Patti 

Pssst!! You're On!

(Fanfare: "Tah-dah!", as she scurries out from behind the curtain...)

Hey there everyone! 

Ummm....it's not that I've forgotten to update you about Steve...ummm....

it's just that... (digs toe into the stage floor)

...that for quite awhile now there's been nothing new to update.

Okay, well, except for him

                        --and most everyone at Camp Adder--

have been horribly sick with a nasty viral infection.   

Other than that, it's Army life as usual.   

My "excuse" for not writing is that I've been scurrying around trying to get things ordered and gathered to send to him in order to help him feel better.

Since we both do the Hippy-Dippy-Natural-Medicines, dude,

I had to draw from several sources to get his last set of boxes sent off.   ("One toke over the line, sweet Jesus, one toke over the...)   

Kidding, okay?

It's a good thing that I already had him set up with a bunch of natural oils to take to fight against that virus.   

He DID get better quicker than the other soldiers.

This virus has been so wicked, that the Pentagon actually sent one of their doctors to get involved.

(Steve "accidentally" ran into him and he got to talk to him about some of the issues at hand.)

One of the worries has been that it was a "Germ Warfare" attack, because of the way that it took over the entire Camp. 

Time will tell, I suppose.

There are other things that I'm aware of that I can't share, but everyone can certainly be in prayer for "those things".   

I've had a request from a dear friend from high school, for me to add things that I've been doing while Steve is gone.   My friend obviously READS the blog but does not MESSAGE BACK....Jeffrey, dear.

I will do that for Jeff...and any other sneaky visitors who don't leave a message...perhaps next time.

While I've been trying to get this little bit down, I've been on Skype with Steve, and texting with two other friends.  

My brain has been taxed enough for today.   I need to save some grey matter for later in case some thing else happens.

I hope my synapses will fire up...

That's it for now ladies and gents and whatever else is hiding in the bushes and watching.

BIG LOVE,

Patti

(Exit: bows and leaves the stage sans music)  

 




    

Today's Forcast: Sunny, 125 Degrees, With 70 MPH Winds. Have A Nice Day!

By now I'm use to hearing about the sandstorms that rip the hide off of Steve and everyone else.

Today I got to hear about Nature's Heat-Ray Gun.

When the temperature is that hot (soon to be up in the 140's), and with Category One winds blowing the suns rays over any exposed skin, it's like being blasted with a Heat Ray Gun or a laser.

Steve said that just having to walk to do his normal, everyday duties, absolutely wore him out today.   

"Top" is tired.   And freshly sanded.

And he still has to walk to the shower and then try to make it back clean.

And you wonder why Baby Wipes are still Number One on every soldier's list?   

Just in case anyone would like to ship him some, he likes the

Huggies brand that are Aloe and Cucumber (I think).   

And some Beef Jerky would be GREATLY appreciated.

I'll write again once I find out when and where he'll be going to later this month.

Much Love!

Patti

PS...when you think you're hot this summer...just remember:

you really aren't. 

TIME GOES CREEPING ALONG

No news is good news, or so it is said.

No news to me just means that Steve is still guarding rocks and sandstorms; keeping America safe.

Sorry for the sarcasm.   Time is d r a g g i n g  along for the both of us.

The best update that I can give is that he is doing well, but very tired.   

They've been having to do most of their "drills" through the night hours because of the constant sandstorms.  

Knowing what his "drills" are for doesn't make me feel any better, except that hopefully everyone is ready to go and react at a moments notice.

I always think back to when my brother Dick got back from Viet Nam.  

I will NEVER forget being told to not get near him or especially touch him if we saw him sleeping.

It was because if awakened suddenly...he'd instinctively grab you...and go to "hurt" you.  He didn't know that he was home and that we weren't the enemy.  

The things that our men and women have to know and do in order to fight and survive is great while there.

Once home, much love and even greater patient endurance is required for them to re-acclimate to movements and motions that we take for granted.  

*sigh*

I would like to ask everyone who takes the time to check in with my blog on Steve, to take a bit more time and write him or email him, or better yet...send him a little something from home.   

Time for him is 24/7.   

There are no days off.

  

There are no week-ends.   Especially for the higher Ranks.  

 

Thank you for your prayers for him and all soldiers serving around the world.   

I'll check back in when there is any news from Steve.

Love To All!!

Patti